Why we need to change the conversation on women and money
Why do so many women avoid getting properly involved in their finances?
Despite working as a CNN International Anchor and Business Correspondent, Alison Kosik found herself trapped in a failing marriage because she didn't have the confidence to take big financial decisions on her own. And she discovered she was not alone. Here, she explores the reasons behind a lot of women's lack of confidence with money and why (and how) this needs to change.
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After what felt like endless nights of crying because I was so unhappy and feeling stuck, I finally put on my big girl pants and told my then husband a simple truth that had be weighing on my chest for years: 'I want a divorce.'
In that moment, I felt the rush of adrenaline. Yes! Finally! I can do this!!
Who was I kidding? I didn’t have a clue what to do next. Part of the reason I didn’t end my marriage sooner was because I didn’t have confidence in myself to handle the financial responsibilities. I didn’t know how or where to start. It seemed too overwhelming.
How could I, of all people, CNN’s Business Correspondent on Wall Street, be in this position – feeling trapped in a failing marriage because I didn’t have the self-assurance to make important financial decisions that would also impact my young children? Oh, the irony. Despite spending my working hours on TV explaining financial and business concepts on the daily, I allowed my husband to take charge of all our big money decisions – from buying and financing our house to managing our investments and retirement savings. I had no clue how to do any of it on my own. I felt like a hypocrite.
‘I gladly delegated all things financial. Why? Because it was easy. I was afraid of making mistakes whether it was our investments, the car buying, or insurance. I didn’t think I had the knowledge and good judgment that comes from experience of 'doing the financial stuff.' I was embarrassed and ashamed. ’
Sure, I’d go on TV almost every day from the New York Stock Exchange to talk about the world of finance. But in my private life? I was not on my financial game. I gladly delegated all things financial to my husband. Why? Because it was easy. I was afraid of making mistakes whether it was our investments, the car buying, or insurance. I didn’t think I had the knowledge and good judgment that comes from experience of 'doing the financial stuff.' I was embarrassed and ashamed.
Then I realized it wasn't just me. I began opening up about what I was going through and asking other women if they could relate. I discovered they, too, were reluctant to admit they didn’t take a leading role in the financial arena. They were just as embarrassed about it as I was. The thing is, it’s not that we’re incapable or incompetent. We’re just not confident because we’re not actively involved in financial aspects of our lives.
There are reasons why a woman’s relationship with money is the way it is.
Socialization is a big part of the problem. In the United States, girls and boys have very different expectations around money. For example, studies show that boys tend to be introduced to family finances earlier and are given the expectation that they have to become financially independent earlier. Girls who are less involved from an early age can grow to become women who avoid money issues. And avoidance can be compounding. The more you avoid something, the more fearful you become of it. What might start as a lack of interest can, over the course of time, become a lack of information, which can become a lack of confidence that you can tackle this thing.
‘What might start as a lack of interest can, over the course of time, become a lack of information, which can become a lack of confidence that you can tackle this thing.’
Imposter Syndrome – that nagging self-doubt – also plays a role. A majority of women surveyed admit they have difficulty talking about money. One reason: they assume they don’t know enough about the subject. Globally women face different challenges. Those in locations including Nigeria, Pakistan and Tanzania are often shut out of making financial decisions because money is believed to be the domain of men. Around the world, cultural and social norms around money work against women, preventing them from holding assets or opening independent savings accounts. Laws driven by these norms don’t help. Laws are in place in 178 countries to keep women from fully participating in economies.
Women are also getting shafted in inheritances. Cultural, legal factors and family dynamics and expectations favor male heirs in the distribution of inheritances. Religion also plays a role. In many faiths, there is a lot of negativity around money. It’s often subconscious for people, but there could be a part of them that believes it would be wrong for them to have financial success.
Finally, yes: you can blame your parents for your attitudes around money. We’ve inherited our parents’ beliefs and actions around money and they’re so ingrained that they’re now part of our subconscious.
Change is possible: identify how you’ve been interacting and operating around money your entire life. Then go back and figure out where you got your beliefs and change them.
‘Compared to previous generations, women are more educated, they’re carving out careers and running companies. But what I learned through dozens of interviews and research is that even many of these high achieving women aren’t fully involved with managing their financial lives.’
Compared to previous generations, women are more educated, they’re carving out careers and running companies. But what I learned through dozens of interviews and research is that even many of these high achieving women aren’t fully involved with managing their financial lives. They’re pawning it off to their spouses or just plain avoiding it. And they’re not readily admitting it because they don’t want to seem unintelligent by their peers.
But it’s time to change the conversation. Let’s lift the mystery, misunderstanding and fear about these money conversations and encourage women to ask questions and to talk about what they don’t know, without fear of being judged, so women can start to learn, so they can take back their power and build a strong financial future.
As with most things that are intimidating, I hope you discover, as I did, that these financial things aren’t as complicated as you first thought. In fact, once I began tackling these transactions, each little victory made me gain a little more confidence. And over time, I wondered what I had been afraid of in the first place. And why I didn’t start sooner.
Read more from Alison Kosik
What’s Up With Women and Money?
by Alison Kosik
Alison Kosik, former CNN/CNN international anchor and business correspondent, asks why so many women avoid managing their own financial lives. Through interviews with women with cautionary tales to those who have taken control of their finances, she provides step by step plans for a variety of money topics and simplifies complicated financial concepts. Feel empowered and confident about your finances, and ready to take action.